“Do not ever tell her that she should do or not do something ‘because you are a girl’. ‘Because you are a girl’ is never a reason for anything. Ever.”
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
I was reading an article on this topic and this question stuck with me. Can women have it all? A great career, a loving marriage and kids? Or do you have to give up something to be successful? Is it all a myth that women can’t have it all?
I think of my life and how determined I am to have it all. Some people call it naivety or foolishness but I really really want it all, all of it. I want a boom-ass career or business, with a great marriage and great children who are leaders in the next generation. It causes me so much confusion every time I think of it though, because I always feel like I am asking too much from the universe and it is something that just isn’t done. Or if it is done, it is not done successfully.
Sometimes, I ask myself why not? Why do I have to give up my career or my business idea if I want to have a happy marriage and children, or vice versa giving up children and marriage for an amazing career.
I have started to realise especially in my industry where I currently work, the reason why women have had to make sure choices is because we are required to act like men to get ahead. When I say acting like a man, I mean fuelled by testosterone, whereas we women are not built like that. We approach and see things differently. Getting ahead in those industries does not include children and marriage, it is all about you and your career. Me, myself and I. You get rid of what makes you female, your femininity, your unique way of thinking that comes from being a woman in order to get ahead.
No, I don’t want that. I want to be successful in my own right, without losing my femininity or being made to feel like I am committing a cardinal sin for wanting to get home before my daughter goes to sleep.
This is why we as women have to take charge of our own careers and success and stop allowing society and culture to dictate what we should or shouldn’t do. Fine, taking control of your career can still mean long hours, sleepless nights, time spent away from the people you love, but a happier and more fulfilled life results in a happier and more fulfilled woman, which is a happier and more fulfilled mother, wife, friend, and sister.
I am not saying that there will not times where you are super stretched and super exhausted. It is not a stress-free life, don’t get me wrong. There are times when I am mentally exhausted but what keeps me going is my family. I want my daughter to see her mum being a hard working successful woman AND a loving wife in a happy marriage AND a great mum. I dont want her growing thinking that there are limits placed on her for the mere fact of being a woman. Well, let’s be real, she will probably experience or see it in the future but while she is young I would love her to reach for the stars.
I want my husband feel respected and loved as my husband and partner for life. However, I also want him to be proud of my achievements and see me rise and excel. I have started to learn how to switch off #girlbossTemi when I get home, because marriage is a partnership where we listen and respect each other’s views. We are in it together. The success is not mine, it is my family’s. We will all reap the benefits.
I am not saying that women who decide to give up their careers for their children should be looked down upon, because we all know what is best for us. I just think it is our decision to make and should not be influenced by society or culture. Telling us, what we should or shouldn’t be doing.
I could be sooooo wrong in my thinking *shrugs* but at this stage in my life, I do want it all, and I feel like I can have it. Who knows if my views will change? If they do, I will let you guys know.
What do you think? Do you think that women can have it all?