I AM NOT SUPERMUM
I cannot do it all – I used to love the idea of being that woman that can juggle so many things at the same time and still look fabulous. It used to make me feel worthwhile and useful in a weird way. I never used to focus on me. I remember going back to work after my daughter was four months old, taking on a new job which had new challenges and a really steep learning curve, finding a good nursery for my daughter and generally worrying about her future. Whilst trying to get my pre-pregnancy body back with a rigorous gym schedule, being active in church, cleaning and cooking, as well as trying to be a good mother and wife. Are you exhausted from reading that list? Because I sure was exhausted from trying to do it all!
It was only until my body said enough is enough, that I knew it was time to slow myself right down and take it easy. I don’t know about you but having different things to do at the same time makes me feel useful and makes me believe that I am working hard.
But hey, I have had to accept that I can’t do it all. I found that I was missing great moments in my present life because I am so busy doing other things.
What do I do now? I get the people around me involved. If I need some ‘me’ time, I get my hubby or relative to look after my daughter while I go and do my nails, hair or anything to keep myself sane! A burden shared is a burden halved. I am not a failure by admitting that I need help.
I HAD ZERO PATIENCE BEFORE HAVING A CHILD
Before I became a mother, I became impatient when things weren’t done a certain way based on my standards. Rolling my eyes as the child had a tantrum on the bus and his/her mother couldn’t keep the child quiet. I mean, how hard could parenting be?! Just be strict, take no nonsense and set boundaries, thought a naive Temi!
After becoming a mother to a beautiful little girl, I have had to learn patience by force! From having your beautiful little angel wake up at ridiculous o’clock and deciding to sing all the nursery rhymes that she has learnt in her short little life. Awwwwwww I hear you say, yes, it is beautiful but when you are incredibly sleep deprived it is easy for you to fail to see the beautiful side!
Patience for when your toddler decides only to have a tantrum in the shopping centre and refuses to walk and lies on the floor and you can see people’s judge-y evil eyes look at you. Do I drag her along by your leg or arm and risk getting reported to the NSPCC? Give in and carry her around, but then I will be seen as a soft, easily manipulated mother, who doesn’t have a backbone? Or I can just leave her and act like she doesn’t belong to me? But again risking being taken in by the NSPCC and having my face on the front of the Sun, as the ‘evil heartless woman who left her child’.
Oh, so many choices! Karma is not nice people!
The list goes on. But I have realised that patience has helped me in other ways. I have become more tolerant of people, and things don’t rub me up the wrong way like they used to.
I CANNOT CONTROL EVERYTHING
I can make plans but I cannot control how life turns out. I have learnt that life does not always go the way I planned, but I can be confident in the fact that it will always work out in my favour. How many times have I really wanted a job, and didn’t get it. Then I get another job and it turns out to be everything I wanted from a job and more. When I didn’t get the grades I wanted and thought I had failed, but found out that I was good at something else which I eventually made into my career. The list goes on. So instead of wallowing in self-pity for weeks which I used to do, I have a quick cry or moan then try to pick myself up and continue going.
BEING POSITIVE IS SO IMPORTANT
I find that the world is full of negativity, so it is up to me to make a conscious decision to bring some positivity to the people around me. It might not seem like a big thing, but it is. We can make a difference in our small circles. Stop being a ‘killjoy’. Encourage and lift people up with your words and actions. I mean if everyone did that, the world would seriously be a much better place.
LIFE IS TOO SHORT
I have learnt to accept who I am physically, emotionally and mentally and keep it moving. Life is too short to be thinking, ‘I wish I had smaller lips, I wish I was skinnier’. If I want to be healthier, I will do something about it. If I want to achieve something, I will go ahead and do my best to achieve it. A challenge for myself is to take risks and just go for it. What do I have to lose? Even if I do fail, at least I know I tried. Time waits for no one. I will embrace my God-given features, talents, and gifts and use them for good.
So those are the 5 things I have learnt about myself. What have you learnt about yourself recently?