The first thing you are meant to do after leaving university is get a job right? Not just any job it must be a career enhancing job, that is well paid. After a few years of getting promotions after promotions at work, you are at the ‘right’ age now to start thinking about marriage. You have your job, your money and even managed to get on the property ladder. You need to be on your journey to marriage now right? Having your boo on your arm, both of you are well paid, and are equally matched in everything i.e. your careers, your spiritual lives, and your future goals. Of course not to mention, the physical attributes that will make other girls go green with envy and will make you smile smugly at your ‘luck’ on finding such a god man…oh sorry I meant good man.
After your no expenses spared wedding, you are supposed to go back to your family home which you and hubby have bought, not rented. You live happily ever after as a great wife, a loving mother, a successful entrepreneur or career woman. To top it off, your home is spotless, your meals are fresh and made from scratch. Your sex life is out of this world! All day, every day mate! Your kids are the best in their schools. Everyone is happy. You are happy. Right? WRONG!
WE HAVE BEEN SOLD A LIE
Life is not like this. Life is not perfect. Life has its challenges, and nothing is as ‘perfect’ as this dream. If you even look at the lives of the people who sold this ‘dream’ to you, you will see that it is riddled with flaws and holes that do not even fit with what they have been telling you. We need to get over this obsession with ‘life stages’ and doing things at the ‘correct age’. Life is for living, not obsessing over the fact that we have not reached a particular ‘life stage’.
We all know the typical life stages: go to university, get a well paid job, buy your first house, get married, have children, have a fully fledged career or become a successful entrepreneur, and become the mature woman who has it all.
Now, I am not saying that these stages are wrong, but why spend your life obsessing about the fact that you have not reached a certain ‘life stage’, ignoring the great things around you? From experience, I find the less you obsess about what you don’t have, and start focusing on what you do have, the more thankful and appreciative you become about life. Funnily enough the things you want usually come when you are least expecting it!
NO-ONE REACHES THEIR LIFE STAGES AT THE SAME TIME OR ORDER
There is no set guideline in life when you should reach a ‘life stage’. Or whether you even want to reach that ‘life stage’. Yup you are right, society and culture tries to put a certain age to every life stage, and we as women allow external and internal pressures to push ourselves to achieving our desired life stage before we are even mentally and emotionally ready.
The result is a bunch of disappointed and frustrated women walking around. Disappointed as they realise that getting to that life stage does not give them ‘satisfaction and happiness’ that they were sold.
YOU ARE NOT ‘EVERYONE’
There is nothing wrong with preparing yourself mentally and emotionally for a ‘life stage’, I actually believe in that. However, if you are obsessing over it all the time, then honey you need to wake up!
Yes hun, I know it sucks when…
You are still looking for that job that you love when ‘everyone’ around you has found their perfect job and are getting bonuses, upon bonuses!
You are still renting or living with your parents when ‘everyone’ around you is buying a house.
You are single, with no one on the horizon when ‘everyone’ around you is getting married or is engaged.
You are still waiting for that pregnancy test to say positive after months of trying, when ‘everyone’ around you are having babies that were not even ‘planned’.
You are struggling to balance having a job and raising your child, when ‘everyone’ around you is a yummy mummy who is balancing raising her kids and having a successful career without even breaking a sweat!
You are struggling to even find the strength to smile every day, when ‘everyone’ around seems so happy and full of life.
‘Everyone’ being the strangers who you follow on social media, who live the ‘life’ you have always wanted. ‘Everyone’ being your friends and your family around you. ‘Everyone’ being a friend of a friend of a friend…of a friend.
You are not ‘everyone’, you are you.
Focus on your journey, your destiny, and your goals. Embrace your highs and lows, embrace your successes and failures because it is all part of the circle of life. I feel like breaking out and singing ‘Circle of Life’ from the Lion King right now! But I hope you understand what I am trying to say.
The same way we all are destined to walk different paths to achieve our goals, we are all destined to reach our life stages at different times, and not necessarily in the ‘correct’ order. Our life plans are personalised and individual. No two life plans are the same. They might look the same externally, but they are have different challenges, and different peaks and lows.
Focus on the life God has given you and make the most of it. Life is too short to be living anything other than the great woman you are created to be. Life is for living. So do that – Live your life to the maximum, because you only have one life!
You are a phenomenal woman, so start believing it.
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